Articles on Trauma and Relationships
Cultural Complicity and Complex Trauma
Society teaches us to dismiss and minimize the impacts of complex trauma, insisting we “Grow up and get over it,” instead of turning towards it with understanding so it heals.
False Empowerment and Trauma Healing: 5 Patterns to Watch Out For
Here are five common ways that false empowerment shows up in the trauma healing journey — and what to do about them.
Managing CPTSD During Holiday Family Gatherings: 5 Essential Skills
As adults, it's our responsibility to calm ourselves, when our nervous systems are activated. When we change how we respond, we have a better chance of connecting to the people we love from a place of curiosity and care.
From Shame to Strength: Understanding Boundary Collapse in Relationships
Certain people strategically respond to boundary-setting as if we’re causing them harm. This catalyzes a boundary collapse pattern that is a hallmark of CPTSD.
Why We Freeze During Intimacy (And How to Feel Safe Again)
Freezing during sexual intimacy is a common but rarely discussed impact of sexual trauma. To heal, we need to focus not on the mind, but on the nervous system.
How to Feel Deeply Heard (When Trauma Makes it Hard)
Until we learn new relational skills, our communication styles are often at odds with our desires for relationships. These trauma patterns aren't our fault, but they are our responsibility to change.
The Two Types of Boundaries
I'm going to share how to create boundaries that work, so we no longer need to feel confused or ashamed for not knowing how to create them.
It Wasn't That Bad
Until we get to know the shapeshifter of denial, our attempts to heal the past remain superficial at best. We polish our memories, not wanting to remember the fear or suffering under their smooth surface.
Safety Strategies (that Always Fail) in Relationships
All of us need physical and emotional safety as children and few of us get it. Instead, we fill in the gaps of neglectful or abusive caregiving by learning to take care of ourselves, one way or another.
Warning Signs of Antagonistic and Entitled (aka "Narcissistic") Relationships
Being on the receiving end of the antagonistic and entitled behavior of grandiosity takes a significant toll on our wellbeing and our self-esteem.
The Inner Child Does Not Go on Vacation
Despite the inner work we've done, parts of us still surface in despair, dejected precisely because they continue to be met with our disdain and indifference.
10 Common Roadblocks to Healing Trauma (PTSD/CPTSD)
We can't heal what we won't feel. And we can't feel what we won't see. That's why I want to explore the ten most common roadblocks to healing trauma.
What is Complex Trauma (CPTSD)?
I want to map the three tenets of complex trauma here, so we can start to recognize and reckon with the impact of it in our lives and relationships.
The Strongest Nervous System Wins
As the world around us becomes more and more uncertain — geopolitically, environmentally, economically, technologically, the list goes on — we need to learn how to manage our nervous systems if we want to lead.
What We Get Wrong About Numbness
Numbness covers over unprocessed pain by limiting our ability to feel. But when we don’t feel the pain, we also restrict the good feelings.
Why Sexual Trauma Shows Up in Healthy Relationships
Trauma heals when we reprocess stuck memories held in our bodies and nervous systems. Once the nervous system knows we're safe, because we have solid support from our partner, the body brings up traumatic memories it’s ready to heal.
The Intelligence of Flight
Listening to our flight responses means knowing when to leave. We don’t need to second guess ourselves or get stuck in situations that are not in our best interest to remain in.
Knowing about DARVO Prevents Emotional Abuse
The reliable pattern that emotional abuse often takes is summarized by the acronym DARVO: Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. Once you learn these simple steps, you'll be able to recognize when someone tries to manipulate you.
How to Self-Soothe (with CPTSD)
As adults, we need to learn how to receive soothing and pattern it into our bodies. We need others who able to self-soothe well enough that they aren’t knocked off center by our overly activated nervous systems.
Why It's Hard to Self-Soothe (with CPTSD)
Human neurobiology is interpersonal. We learn how to self-soothe from others. Until our nervous systems learn this necessary skill, we simply don't know how.