When unresolved trauma keeps you stuck in the same fight, communication skills aren't enough.
Relationship Repair for Couples with Trauma
Trauma destroys intimacy. Together, we can change that.
It's not you and it's not your choice of partner.
Unresolved sexual and relational trauma sabotage our intimate relationships, activating the same repeating patterns of anger and shutdown.
The result is a helpless stalemate that slowly erodes everything good about your relationship and steals the joy from your lives. Trauma costs too much to hope it "heals with time." The lives we've worked so hard to build are worth fighting for.
You can probably remember a time in childhood when you looked at your parents and promised yourself you would never, ever be like them. It feels awful to realize that how we argue (or withdraw) is often copying exactly what we saw in childhood.
Bringing awareness to these patterns alone isn't enough to change them. We need support to look at what isn't working and the tools to actually change it.
Which is where I come in.
“I can't imagine doing this deep of work with anyone else. You have been so good for us and I can see how much you've helped us be better to each other.”
What Changes When Couples Heal Trauma Together
1. See the Pattern You're Trapped In
Understand why you keep ending up in the same fight. And what's really driving it. Once you see it, everything can change.
2. Stop Repeating Your Parents' Relationship
Heal the trauma patterns from childhood that are showing up in your relationship now. You’re both uniquely positioned to do this for each other, which is how this work becomes so powerful.
3. Speak Up for Your Needs (and Be Heard)
Voice what you need without steamrolling or shutting down. When you stand up for yourself while staying connected, you open new pathways to intimacy.
4. Navigate Conflict Without Damage
Stay connected through disagreement and repair quickly. When you can move through intensity together, conflict becomes a path to more closeness and no longer a threat.
5. Reignite Intimacy and Desire
Reclaim physical and emotional closeness as the foundation of your relationship. Healing trauma shifts you out of numbness and obligation. Desire feels safe. Closeness becomes something you want again.
6. Choose Each Other Again
Return to being partners and allies, solid in your commitment to each other. Feel like a team again, with tools that actually work and a future you're building together.
“You are such a fit for all the work we've done. We've done therapy for most of our lives, but it hasn't been useful like this.”
About Elie
I've been married for 15 years and credit this work with saving my marriage. Complex trauma can rob us of the people we love most in the world, condemning us to a legacy of bitterness and regret. But the life we've always dreamed of is waiting for us, if we're ready to heal.
I'm certified in Terry Real's Relational Life Therapy and have trained with Internal Family Systems couples expert Tony Herbine-Blank and other leaders in marriage and family therapy. I bring almost two decades of trauma resolution work to my couples practice, serving clients internationally via Zoom.
“What you bring to our space together — the safety, the kind and gentle heart, the way you see us. Just thank you. This was meant to be.”
Why Most Couples Therapy Keeps You Stuck
Most couples therapy focuses on 'communication skills.' But those skills don't work when you need them most, because the part of you fighting with your partner would rather burn the relationship to the ground than use them.
That's the part of you we need to work with, not to shame them, but because that part holds the key to your deepest happiness together.
When that part of you, with all their trauma and fear, is finally witnessed and helped to heal, everything changes. And when your partner gets to know that part, in their vulnerability and pain, arguments land differently and can be diffused simply with a kind and compassionate word.
Trust me, I know.
We need to stop listening to the advice committee, start taking a stand for our partners, and fight for our relationships. To do that, we need profound nervous system healing that rewires our threat response.
This kind of transformation is possible when we stop blaming and start taking responsibility for the habits that hurt our partners, habits we picked up long before we met them.
Our goal is complete and rapid relationship transformation. Nothing less will do. Together, you and your partner can heal the past, release your families' legacies of trauma, and create a new future together -- one that's worth coming home to.
Couples Trauma Resolution: How We Work Together Online
We meet via Zoom every two weeks for six months, with 90-minute sessions that give us room to go deep.
Between sessions, you have time to practice new approaches together, and I'm available for support when you need it.
There's a clear beginning, middle, and end to our work, and you'll know when we're done.
“We were struggling for over a decade. We've accomplished a lot in a short amount of time.”
Questions
How long will this take?
I work with couples for six months, at which point our work is usually complete. Unlike psychotherapy, there's a clear beginning, middle, and end to our process.
Where do we meet?
We'll meet on my HIPAA-compliant Zoom account, which has the highest level of encryption and security available. Sessions can be done from the privacy and comfort of your home, from anywhere in the world.
What are your rates?
My foundational six-month package is US$3,000. Most couples complete their work within that timeframe. Some couples like to stay in touch with quarterly or as-needed integration sessions afterward.
Should I do individual or couples work?
The best way to discern if my individual or couples work is a fit is to schedule a one-hour exploratory call to discuss your unique goals, desires, and needs. You're welcome to bring your partner so you can discern together, or come on your own for a one-to-one chat.
We've tried couples therapy. Will this work for us?
Most couples come to me having invested time and money in years of therapy without getting the results they hoped for. The best way to discern if this work is a fit is to schedule a free one-hour call where we'll explore your needs together. You'll get a sense of how I work and whether it fits what you're looking for.
How do you work with sexuality?
I'm trained to support couples with issues around sexual intimacy including sexual reclamation after trauma healing or infidelity, recovery from pornography addiction, and rekindling sexual desire in long-term relationships.
What if my partner doesn't want to do this?
It's usually one partner who can no longer sustain the status quo and catalyzes relationship transformation. If your partner is reluctant to participate, I invite you to bring them to our exploratory call, where I will help them understand how crucial change is for your shared happiness and wellbeing.
Where can I learn more?
I encourage you to explore my Articles on Trauma and Relationships and to learn more about my Individual Work if you’re considering whether to start together or solo. Many of my individual clients bring their partners for couples work later, which is often extremely transformative because of the foundational work we've already done.
Ready to Fight for Your Relationship?
If you've read this far, something here resonated.
Modern culture doesn’t teach us the skills we need to stay together. Instead, we watch social media videos that “empower” us to leave relationships instead of taking responsibility to heal and learn new skills.
If any of this sounds like a fit, you owe it to yourselves and each other to channel your energy and fight for your relationship instead of at each other.
Reach out and let's see if this work can get you where you want to be, together.