Trauma & Relationships

Angry complaint will never get you more of what you want. But seeing anger as a strategy gives us space to work with it, because strategies can be adapted and improved.

When distance is the only way we know to create safety, closeness naturally feels risky and vulnerability codes as 'unsafe.'

As a relational strategy, “being right” backfires spectacularly. Yet we often don't realize the damage we're doing until it's too late.

Most people with complex trauma (CPTSD) approach the holidays with a sense of dread and endurance. Most people step backwards, instead of creating new ways to offer — and receive — care.

When we act out of unresolved trauma, we usually lack empathy and an understanding of the negative consequences of our behavior.

Knowing how to do relationship repair neutralizes perfectionism. We aim for our best behavior — and when we miss the mark, our ability to quickly and easily repair the rupture creates emotional safety.

It's easy to label someone “rude,” “needy,” or “frustrating,” without understanding that they’re behaving this way because closeness doesn't feel safe.

Our nervous systems are wired to relax into profound states of healing and restoration when we receive safe touch from people we care about.

All relationships experience inevitable shifts from harmony into disharmony. With skill, we can reliably shift into repair and reconnection.