Articles on Trauma and Relationships
It Wasn't That Bad
"My parents had it worse." The smoothest denial keeps your childhood trauma locked away and your relationships stuck. Learn how to face what's real so you can finally heal.
Safety Strategies (that Always Fail) in Relationships
Being right. Control. Withdrawal. Retaliation. These strategies kept you safe in childhood. Now they're destroying your relationships. Learn what to do instead.
Warning Signs of Antagonistic and Entitled (aka "Narcissistic") Relationships
Dismissive, invalidating, manipulating, raging. Learn the 6 warning signs of entitled relationships, why people with trauma histories are especially vulnerable, and what to do about it.
The Strongest Nervous System Wins
In every room, the most settled nervous system sets the emotional tone. Learn how to become that person, whether you're leading a team or calming a fight with your partner.
Why Sexual Trauma Shows Up in Healthy Relationships
You finally feel safe with your partner. Then the flashbacks start. Learn why sexual trauma surfaces in healthy relationships and why it's actually a sign you're ready to heal.
Knowing about DARVO Prevents Emotional Abuse
Deny. Attack. Reverse Victim and Offender. DARVO is the pattern emotional abuse follows. Learn it, and you'll never be confused by manipulation again.
How to Self-Soothe (with CPTSD)
You can't self-soothe because no one taught you how. Self-soothing is a relational skill you learn from safe others. Here's how to start, even if closeness still feels unsafe.
Why It's Hard to Self-Soothe (with CPTSD)
Self-soothing isn't willpower. It's a skill your nervous system learns from safe others. If no one taught you, no amount of trying harder will change that. Here's why.
How to Support a Partner with Trauma
Your partner has trauma and you don't know how to help. Learn how to recognize flashbacks, intervene with care, and create the safety that makes healing possible.
Red Flags of Therapist Abuse (and Coaching Abuse)
When things go wrong in therapy, we blame ourselves. But our healing space should be the safest place we have. Learn 10 red flags that your practitioner isn't safe.
Maslow was Wrong
Maslow said we need food and shelter before love. He was wrong. Belonging is a survival need, and when it goes unmet, everything else falls apart. Here's what the research shows.
When Guilt is Good
You finally set a boundary and now you feel terrible. That guilt isn't actually a sign you did something wrong. It's proof you're breaking a trauma pattern. Learn why.
Belonging and Self-Betrayal
You give up your voice to stay connected. You betray yourself to belong. The fawn response kept you safe in childhood. Now it's destroying your relationships.
What Most People Get Wrong about Boundaries
You think boundaries are about getting other people to change. They're not. Boundaries are for you. This one shift changes everything about how you hold them.
Complex Trauma and Emotional Safety
You long for connection but other people don't feel safe. Hypervigilance, push-pull, and the terror of intimacy aren't character flaws. They're signs of complex trauma.
How We Sabotage Relationships Without Knowing It
You were punished before you could understand why. Now you project that wrongness onto the people you love. Learn how childhood shame creates relational sabotage.
How to Create Secure Relationships (With Trauma in the Mix)
Trauma distorts how you attach. But attachment styles aren't fixed. Learn 10 ways to build security with your partner, even when your nervous system says closeness isn't safe.
Mapping Our Attachment Style
Attachment styles aren’t fixed personality traits. They’re nervous system patterns shaped by your earliest relationships. Learn the four styles and how trauma shifts them.
Escaping the Trap of Performativity
You learned what sexuality is "supposed to" look like from culture, media, and religion. But none of it is you. Learn how performativity replaces authentic intimacy after trauma.
Trauma and Self-Loyalty
You betray your boundaries to keep the peace. You abandon your needs to feel loved. Self-loyalty means refusing to treat yourself the way others treated you. Here's how.