Articles on Trauma and Relationships
How We Punish the People We Love
Retaliation is anger that learned the only way to be heard is to be hurtful. Even though we apologize after, the damage is done.
What's Underneath the Conflict
The same fight, over and over — it's not about communication. Trauma flashbacks drive recurring conflict. Here's what's underneath it, and what actually changes things.
How to Do Relationship Repair
"I'm sorry" isn't enough. Real relationship repair requires contrition, accountability, and amends. Learn the 3-part process that actually heals what arguments break.
How We Let Anger Sabotage Our Intimate Relationships
Anger is a strategy, not just an emotion. Learn why angry complaint pushes your partner away and what to do instead, from a trauma and relationship specialist.
What’s Wrong with Being Right
Being right feels like safety. But as a relational strategy, it backfires spectacularly. Learn where the need to be right comes from and how to choose connection instead.
The 7 Steps of Relationship Repair
Most couples don't know how to repair after conflict. These 7 steps, from Relational Life Therapy, create a reliable path back to connection every time.
How to Feel Deeply Heard (When Trauma Makes it Hard)
You speak up but never feel heard. The problem isn't your partner. It's that you're getting the wrong kind of listening. Learn how to ask for what you actually need.
Safety Strategies (that Always Fail) in Relationships
Being right. Control. Withdrawal. Retaliation. These strategies kept you safe in childhood. Now they're destroying your relationships. Learn what to do instead.
Warning Signs of Antagonistic and Entitled (aka "Narcissistic") Relationships
Dismissive, invalidating, manipulating, raging. Learn the 6 warning signs of entitled relationships, why people with trauma histories are especially vulnerable, and what to do about it.
Knowing about DARVO Prevents Emotional Abuse
Deny. Attack. Reverse Victim and Offender. DARVO is the pattern emotional abuse follows. Learn it, and you'll never be confused by manipulation again.
How to Support a Partner with Trauma
Your partner has trauma and you don't know how to help. Learn how to recognize flashbacks, intervene with care, and create the safety that makes healing possible.