Articles on Trauma and Relationships
Knowing about DARVO Prevents Emotional Abuse
Deny. Attack. Reverse Victim and Offender. DARVO is the pattern emotional abuse follows. Learn it, and you'll never be confused by manipulation again.
How to Self-Soothe (with CPTSD)
You can't self-soothe because no one taught you how. Self-soothing is a relational skill you learn from safe others. Here's how to start, even if closeness still feels unsafe.
Why It's Hard to Self-Soothe (with CPTSD)
Self-soothing isn't willpower. It's a skill your nervous system learns from safe others. If no one taught you, no amount of trying harder will change that. Here's why.
What Dissociation is Trying to Tell Us (about PTSD & CPTSD)
Dissociation is more than a failure to be present. It's your nervous system protecting you from what it can't yet process. Learn what it's trying to tell you and how to respond.
What to Do About Shutdown and Sexual Trauma
You've stopped wanting intimacy. Your body goes numb the moment it begins. That's not a choice — it's shutdown from sexual trauma. Learn what's happening and how to heal.
How to Support a Partner with Trauma
Your partner has trauma and you don't know how to help. Learn how to recognize flashbacks, intervene with care, and create the safety that makes healing possible.
Red Flags of Therapist Abuse (and Coaching Abuse)
When things go wrong in therapy, we blame ourselves. But our healing space should be the safest place we have. Learn 10 red flags that your practitioner isn't safe.
Revenge of the Inner Child
Your inner child isn't always cute and playful. She's also terrified, furious, and not going away. Learn what happens when you stop running from the most wounded parts of you.
A Love Letter to Dissociation
Dissociation isn't weakness or failure. It's an ancient survival strategy trying to keep you safe. Learn why going to war with it only makes it stronger.
Why We Don't Need to Talk about Trauma
Talk therapy doesn't heal trauma. Trauma lives in the body, not the mind. Learn about Brainspotting — a fast, gentle approach that doesn't require you to relive the past.
Presence, Not Perfection
Perfectionism seems like it’s about high standards, but it’s actually armor against rejection. Learn why trying to "get it right" sabotages the connection you're longing for, and what to practice instead.
Maslow was Wrong
Maslow said we need food and shelter before love. He was wrong. Belonging is a survival need, and when it goes unmet, everything else falls apart. Here's what the research shows.
When Guilt is Good
You finally set a boundary and now you feel terrible. That guilt isn't actually a sign you did something wrong. It's proof you're breaking a trauma pattern. Learn why.
Belonging and Self-Betrayal
You give up your voice to stay connected. You betray yourself to belong. The fawn response kept you safe in childhood. Now it's destroying your relationships.
The Fallacy of Catharsis
Suffering doesn't heal trauma, it makes it worse. Learn why intense healing modalities retraumatize your nervous system and what actually works instead.
Creativity and Trauma Healing
Post-traumatic growth brings back joy and connection. But creativity is often the last thing we reclaim, because our nervous systems still see it as a risk. Here's how to get it back.
What Most People Get Wrong about Boundaries
You think boundaries are about getting other people to change. They're not. Boundaries are for you. This one shift changes everything about how you hold them.
Complex Trauma and Emotional Safety
You long for connection but other people don't feel safe. Hypervigilance, push-pull, and the terror of intimacy aren't character flaws. They're signs of complex trauma.
How We Sabotage Relationships Without Knowing It
You were punished before you could understand why. Now you project that wrongness onto the people you love. Learn how childhood shame creates relational sabotage.
How to Create Secure Relationships (With Trauma in the Mix)
Trauma distorts how you attach. But attachment styles aren't fixed. Learn 10 ways to build security with your partner, even when your nervous system says closeness isn't safe.